Random Musings - 3 geeks on life, the universe and everything.

Adventure on the Horizon

Written on January 11, 2009 at 3:08 am about Life, Musing by Tom
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Well, not so much ‘on the horizon’ as ‘inside my computer.’ I’ve been using my copious amounts of spare time over break to work on an adventure game engine, similar in ability to the old SCUMM games made by LucasArts. I’m developing it in Java, since that’s the language I know best and can leverage its built-in functions to save some time. It’s code-named JADE, for Java ADventure Engine. Once the engine itself is done, my friend Jack and I, along with likely Chris, will work on an actual adventure game for it, hopefully to be released here through SpartaLive, but of course we’ll see. So expect updates on the dev progress here.

In other news, I had my wisdom teeth out a few days ago, and apparently have some sort of mutant healing factor, as there’s been no pain and very little swelling — I was back to solid food in less than 24 hours. That was a plus, because Jell-O gets old quickly. (Though pudding never, ever, gets old.)

Tomorrow, if all goes according to plan, I’ll also be heading to Providence for dinner and a movie with a good friend of mine from college — fingers crossed. Seems hard to believe vacation’s almost over though; there’s only two weeks left. Well, that’s all for now I s’pose. Until next time, readers.

Thanksgiving and the Attack of the Ex-Girlfriend

Written on November 28, 2008 at 10:52 pm about General, Life by Tom
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I left UMass Dartmouth on Tuesday night expecting a relaxing vacation with the family, interspersed by working on my latest novel and hanging out with my mates from high school. Alas, it was not so simple. While I was in the process of putting up one of the Christmas trees in my house with my mother and sister, the doorbell rings. Who is it at the door but my ex girlfriend, two years later. This was possibly the most WTF moment I can remember.

Apparently, she wants to be friends again. Or something. She gave me a note, since I wasn’t about to let her into my house out of the blue, and it does appear sincere enough. Haven’t come to a decision yet, as I’m still a tad shell-shocked, I suppose. Have to wonder what spurred the whole thing, though. The note amounts to a lengthy apology, and a bit of an update as to what she’s been up to. In any case, I can’t come to a decision just yet as to what I’m going to do. Advice from close friends is mixed.

On the plus side of things, I have a new phone. It’s orange, and the blurb claims it’s ‘built to military specifications.’ I’ve been redoing the contacts list, so I’m missing a lot of numbers — pass yours along if I don’t have it, or you just want random calls at 3AM.

That’s all for now; time to work on the webcomic before I forget I ever had such a thing.

Like a phoenix, I rise again. And again. And again. And a … holy crap, I’m on FIRE!!! AHHHHHH!

Written on September 7, 2008 at 9:07 pm about General, Life, Musing, Pen and Paper Role Playing by Chris
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Well, after Tom’s cheerful rant below, I figured it was time to share an update of my own.

Well, it’s notable that the Salford WARPS should be reasonably secure for this year. Hopefully the student union takes it’s thumb out of it’s ass and actually gets some advertising up. After a while of negociation and checking, it appears we require 15 student members to be ratified as an official society. Since we have 10 with just the guaranteed re-sign ups from last year, that’s not too difficult an issue, since the union appears to have woken up to the idea that they need to actually make sure the societies have ROOM to work in.

In addition, Phoenix, my DnD4th ed modification, continues at a steady pace. It’ll be ready for testing come the new university year, anyway. Barring any exceptional circumstances, I should be ready to work on a 2nd stage book set (The Titans Manual, Campaign Guide and Academy Training book) after this first test (Which is the UNMC player’s handbook, the vehicle manual (New and unique), the field inteligence guide (Monster Manual equivalent) and the GM’s manual). I’m also working on several stories in the setting, which should be interesting.  At the time of writing, I also have an initial scenario written up to 4th level, and plans for beyond that point in note form.

Unlike DnD, Phoenix is intended for an episodic campaign, dropping in at the key points in the character’s lifetime, as opposed to a continual campaign. This means GMs can limit what equipment the players get, as well as ensure that even if the campaign is going to cover several years, players don’t spend lots of time sat around twiddling their thumbs.

Anyway, in other areas, I’m generally doing ok. Probably re-sitting the year at university, but that’s not really a big supprise, and to be frank, I’d actually prefer it in some ways. Obviously not the cost, but most ways, I’m fine with it.

Oh, and in a final bit of news, Manchester has officially recieved 1 year’s worth of rain in a month, as of now.

Fuck my life.

Written on September 7, 2008 at 4:59 am about Life by Tom
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The title of this post seems to be my motto nowadays. As much as I hate to admit this, even online, I think I’m fighting the big D. There’s no logical reason for it — things are going better than ever for me to anyone looking in from the outside. I’m back at school, my classes are all good — fuck, my family’s even putting a nice addition on the house. I have squat to bitch about compared to plenty of other people.

And yet…and yet, I’m not happy.  I feel lonelier than ever, in fact. As much as I deride people who act ‘emo,’ I find myself slipping into a funk. And it’s all centered around one thing — my utter failure to find that perfect girl. Yeah, I know, people who measure their happiness by having a girlfriend are losers. Well fuck you, whoever said that, cause this isn’t about status or peer pressure or society. This is human loneliness, plain and simple. Hell, the only reason I can even write this here is because no one reads this blog; it might as well be a journal.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, I meet the perfect kind of girl that I’ve been holding out for for literally years, and still I strike out. And this shouldn’t bother me because I have 18 years of striking out under my belt. I should be a pro at letting go and moving on. But I can’t. I’ve slowly over time lost that ability to go “Oh well, plenty others out there.” Because guess what? There aren’t.

Oh, sure, there’s a lot of females out there, but that’s just statistics. What I mean is similar personalities. Common souls, if you want to get philisophical about it. There’s next to zero people out there like me, it seems, or at least not here in New England. You know what a big stumbling block is? Smart girls. Yep, call me sexist, but I have a real hell of a time finding a girl I can actually talk to about geeky things I find interesting. I’m telling you, they don’t freaking exist.

Part of it might be normal hormones and shit, freaking out and telling me I’ve gotta pass on the ol’ genes, but part of it’s just the fact that, aside from a couple of friendly hugs here and there, I don’t get any kind of real physical intimacy with anybody. And I don’t mean intimacy in the adult sense, either. I’m talking basic human contact here. I might as well be in a biohazard suit. It sounds stupid even to type it, but…I just want to be held. I want someone to hold hands with and hug and caress. And it’s just getting harder to go on without that.

If this makes me some kind of unmasculine girly-man, so be it. If you’re going to accuse me of being hypocritical and emo, go ahead and get it out of your system. All I can say is that I can’t keep living like this. I’ll go crazy. It’s really only a matter of time. The hair-trigger temper that I’ve managed to subdue for so many years is resurging again. The propensity to get pissed off at the drop of a hat, the sudden loss of all reason and desire to just break something or someone, the barely held back crying jag…It’s all stuff no one ever sees, I think, because I’ve grown very good at hiding it over the years.

As I said earlier, I don’t like admitting that I’m an unhappy person. I used to think that denying it would keep it from getting worse, and keep me from wallowing in unhappiness. Now I hope that acknowledging it will help me fight it off. Because I can’t deny it any more. Normal people don’t wake up and immediately try to fall back asleep, because they prefer the dream they were having to reality. Normal people don’t wonder if it’d be better to get hit by a bus crossing the street. Normal people don’t sit in their car, alone, and scream, because if they don’t they’d explode from all the repressed anger and sadness and tears. I’ve crossed that line, the point of no return, where I have to admit that something is seriously wrong here.

I don’t want to seem melodramatic. I’m not doing this to look for sympathy — if I was, I wouldn’t be posting this to an unread blog. This is meant to be more catharsis for me. It’s a free shrink, a stranger to listen to my problems, where I don’t have to worry about them being a part of them. It’s an electronic Freud, putting me on the couch. I don’t want your “it’ll get better” and “You’re a great guy, just be patient” and “Someday you’ll find the right person.” I just need to get this off my chest, before I haul off and start smashing up my car with a tire iron or something.

And that’s the thing, that maybe I want to break stuff and hit things, because at least then you’d notice me. At least then you’d see that I’m here. You’d know I exist, I could prove it. I broke that window, see! I’m here, I’ve always been here. That’s what it seems to come down to. That’s why I’m ‘that guy’ in class, the one with the bad jokes and the snarky comments. Because any attention is better than no attention. Because maybe if I’m clever enough you’ll love me. Because maybe if I make you laugh you’ll see I’m better than the rest of those guys.

That’ll never happen though, because it seems to me, and some of my mates as well, that as much as women complain about chivalry being dead, us nice guys still finish last. As much as you tell us you’re looking for a sweet, sensitive, intelligent guy, you keep on going for the football captain and prom king. As much as you complain about the latest jerk move your boyfriend pulled, you never see us as anything outside the friend zone.

Anyways, I really hope this funk of mine ends sooner rather than later, or at the very least I can stay busy enough to stay ahead of it.

So, while Tom and James work on ripping off Yhatzee….

Written on August 22, 2008 at 3:00 am about Life, Pen and Paper Role Playing, Tabletop Wargames by Chris
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I’ve been doing other crap.

First off, I’ve been helping organize the Salford WARPS for the new year. Since, unlike last year, the event’s officer isn’t 100% on the ball, (the events officer for the student union last year is it’s President this year) my job is distinctly more difficult that I would like. Between our domain expiring and trying to get sorted for the fresher’s fair, I’d rather shoot myself than continue to deal with it, in some ways. Or the union…. you know, that’s not such a bad plan. I wonder how much the severed head of a union exec goes for on ebay.

Second off, it appears that my sanity has slowly danced away with the penguins. Amongst others. So I’m actually beginning to be able to put an ending to 1 of my role playing games I’m running, which had (with player character help occasionally) wandered so far off the beaten track that it’s punched through a small city on it’s way to the goal. And then around the goal in an ever tightening spiral. Hopefully they’ll realize what the end aim of the story was sometime before next session, and I can then get it done with.

And third, I’ve been working on far too many game designs. This may be the cause of the second point, in fact, but I’ve designed an entire tabletop war game or 2 over the past month, begun writing a 4th ed DnD supplement, which I’ll share samples of over time, and also written up a campaign for said supplement.

So expect a few more random posts out of me as my sanity drains. Now, go away, I’m trying to invade Russia in peace.

Long time, no spawling ramble of doom

Written on July 8, 2008 at 2:51 pm about Films, General, Life, Pen and Paper Role Playing, Tabletop Wargames, Video Gaming by Chris
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So, I guess we really need to learn to update this more often, huh?

Anyway, it’s time for another installment of happy ramble funtime and stuff. Only, you know, the first 4 words of that statement are false. So just stuff.

So first off.

“In a mad world, only the mad are sane”

Elements of my life seem to have converged to be confusing, aggravating and stressful. I’ve had ups, downs, side to sides and all sorts of other directions. Kind of like a yoyo wielded by a maddened bear. But it looks like someone disarmed Bobo. I just hope that someone isn’t a bearlock…

But yes, life has once again calmed down. Admittedly, I’ve been stuck at home for nearing 2 weeks now, thanks to a pickpocket and the staff at GMPTE, who seem not to know the meaning of the word ’speed’. This may have contributed, since other than when I can actually afford to, I have avoided going out.

I’ve started writing a supplement for 4th edition Dungeons And Dragons. Label me a geek, but frankly, that’s a label I’ll wear with pride. Either way, it’s something to do. And frankly, designing a world is fun.

Ok, I think I’m gonna move on to other gaming areas.

Video game wise, I’ve finally reached rank 55 on COD4. At least on my primary account. Keep your eyes open for “BlackLiger” or “Warlord”, since those are what I tend to use. I’m trying to gain the other achievements, not that it’s easy.

Some of these achievements, however, look impossible unless you’re really lucky. I mean, I only got “On the edge” by throwing a grenade INTO a building while the enemy shot me through the wall (get 3 or more kills while near death).

Tabletop game wise, I’ve gotten into playing Horrorclix. It’s a nice little game system, with some inventive ideas. And it’s fun, and funny. I’ve got an actual hero team together, finally, with a squad of ’special forces’ and their commander, Major Harper. These guys aren’t brilliant, but they are powerful if used right. And they are funny, because like all steriotyped horror movie ‘heros’, the bigger the gun, the less damage they do, except in rare circumstances (Named heros, for example).

And movies. Movies I can rant about. For starters, KUNG FU PANDA IS A BUCKET OF AWESOME WITH EXTRA AWESOME! Seriously, I’m a fan of Jack Black films anyway, but Kung Fu Panda is EXCELLENT. It’s certainly in the list of films I’ve got to acquire at some point.

“There is no secret ingredient”

Next, well, The Inedible Mulch…. Uh.. I mean Incredible Hulk. DAMN this is actually an awesome movie. People who downbeat it seem to have gone in expecting far more than the Hulk ever COULD give. He’s the HULK, people, not Dr Strange. His ’shtick’ is to find a monster and hammer it into the floor repeatedly. You want to watch a thinky movie, try something other that a ‘comic book action hero’ movie.

And in the same vein, Iron Man wasn’t too bad. I want a computer like that, if nothing else, for lazyness purposes. And to build me a multi billion dollar super suit which can beat up tanks with little effort, obviously…

And of course, finally:

Welcome James to our little blog here. He’s our newest writer, and about as sane as 2 wet cats stuck in a sack. And that’s before we go into the releasing pheromones that make them more aggressive.

Applications to join our blogging bunch can be submitted to “Info@Spartalive.net” once you’ve registered on this blog itself.

Going just a little more insane every day.

Written on July 8, 2008 at 3:27 am about General, Life by Tom
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So Lady Irony has decided to offer another kick to the balls again. As much as I wanted summer to arrive at the end of semester, I find myself wondering if I might be happier back at school. Why the hell would I want that? A few reasons.

Firstly, work is tiring me out and taking up all my time. I’m working 90% of the week to put gas in my car…so that I can go to work to put gas in my car…well, you get the idea. And on most of my days off everyone else is working, so more often than not I end up sitting around the house.

Oh, the house. How I tire of it. This house is what’s making me crazy, I think — the fact that I’m always here. Sitting at this damn computer, too, just like I am now. I’d much prefer to be out with friends, but it doesn’t happen nearly as much as I’d like. And, if I may indulge in a bit of self-pity, it’s not as if my inbox is overflowing with invitations to places. Again, it’s irony, or karma, or some such thing. Now that I’ve got the means to actually go places and hang out with people, it just doesn’t happen.

This isn’t precisely new, though. I’ve been sitting on this rant for a few months now. But I kept telling myself that I’m not the whiny type. Well, at this point in time some old-fashioned catharsis is what I need right now. Even though it won’t amount to much more than shouting into the void, since the people with the power to make me feel better likely will never see this.

I guess that’s what it comes down to. I want some reassuranace. I want someone to say “Yes, we want to hang out with you, Tom. You’re an important part of the fun. We love you.” Again, whiny — I know I’ve got good friends. But the self-doubt likes to creep in at these wee hours of the evening. And so I ponder to myself, and make self-deprecating comments.

Ah well. I don’t have it nearly as bad off as others, and yet that makes me feel worse, not better, that I’m acting this whiny and emotional. What the hell is wrong with me?