Random Musings - 3 geeks on life, the universe and everything.

Fuck Valentine’s Day.

Written on February 15, 2009 at 3:54 am about Musing by Tom
2 Comments

That is all.

Adventure on the Horizon

Written on January 11, 2009 at 3:08 am about Life, Musing by Tom
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Well, not so much ‘on the horizon’ as ‘inside my computer.’ I’ve been using my copious amounts of spare time over break to work on an adventure game engine, similar in ability to the old SCUMM games made by LucasArts. I’m developing it in Java, since that’s the language I know best and can leverage its built-in functions to save some time. It’s code-named JADE, for Java ADventure Engine. Once the engine itself is done, my friend Jack and I, along with likely Chris, will work on an actual adventure game for it, hopefully to be released here through SpartaLive, but of course we’ll see. So expect updates on the dev progress here.

In other news, I had my wisdom teeth out a few days ago, and apparently have some sort of mutant healing factor, as there’s been no pain and very little swelling — I was back to solid food in less than 24 hours. That was a plus, because Jell-O gets old quickly. (Though pudding never, ever, gets old.)

Tomorrow, if all goes according to plan, I’ll also be heading to Providence for dinner and a movie with a good friend of mine from college — fingers crossed. Seems hard to believe vacation’s almost over though; there’s only two weeks left. Well, that’s all for now I s’pose. Until next time, readers.

Thanksgiving and the Attack of the Ex-Girlfriend

Written on November 28, 2008 at 10:52 pm about General, Life by Tom
1 Comment

I left UMass Dartmouth on Tuesday night expecting a relaxing vacation with the family, interspersed by working on my latest novel and hanging out with my mates from high school. Alas, it was not so simple. While I was in the process of putting up one of the Christmas trees in my house with my mother and sister, the doorbell rings. Who is it at the door but my ex girlfriend, two years later. This was possibly the most WTF moment I can remember.

Apparently, she wants to be friends again. Or something. She gave me a note, since I wasn’t about to let her into my house out of the blue, and it does appear sincere enough. Haven’t come to a decision yet, as I’m still a tad shell-shocked, I suppose. Have to wonder what spurred the whole thing, though. The note amounts to a lengthy apology, and a bit of an update as to what she’s been up to. In any case, I can’t come to a decision just yet as to what I’m going to do. Advice from close friends is mixed.

On the plus side of things, I have a new phone. It’s orange, and the blurb claims it’s ‘built to military specifications.’ I’ve been redoing the contacts list, so I’m missing a lot of numbers — pass yours along if I don’t have it, or you just want random calls at 3AM.

That’s all for now; time to work on the webcomic before I forget I ever had such a thing.

Random Drabbles

Written on October 3, 2008 at 4:11 am about Musing by Tom
5 Comments

I don’t have enough thoughts here to merit one entire post, but I do have a few self-contained nuggets. So, direct from my cranium, here it is!

Firstly, I’ve been working on a webcomic. You can check it out on this same domain, over at http://atomiccomic.spartalive.net It’s pretty badass. Or pretty bad, depending on your definition. Without giving away upcoming story developments, it centers around a group of young college students (uni students, for the UK readers). It’s NOT a CAD gaming comic ripoff though — mine is more hard-science fiction centered, with the focus on plot, not humor.

My good friend Jack Ryder also has a webcomic of his own, at http://zarroff.spartalive.net, and it’s also quite excellent. A bit melodramatic but always amusing, it chronicles the exploits of one Baron Zarroff and his crusade against evil.

Next on the agenda, I see we have a reply from “OMGITSFREAKINEDWARDCULLEN….” I’m curious as to how she found this website — StumbleUpon? Link from a friend? Act of God? Whatever it is, you seem to have some very odd notions. Firstly, are men not allowed to judge the relative attractiveness of other men? Personally I think Brendan Frasier is pretty damn sexy, am I not allowed to think that?

Secondly, I don’t owe you a fair fight. It’s my (well, our) blog, and the onus is on you to defend your own position. As for a ‘fantastic’ comment, if you consider allcaps fantastic you’re just another reason I need to continue my plan to enslave all humans under 20. You’re already slaves to pop culture anyways; I’d prefer making you my minions. After all, with a total lack of English comprehension, you’re ripe for mind control.

Your homophobic slant in your comments makes me wonder as to your geographic location — I’m extrapolating that you’re from down south or out west, where we have such loonies as Fred Phelps wandering about. Does the thought of homosexuality bother you? Frighten you? Maybe my next post will be on that. I do find it ironic that you find a boy portrayed (at least in the movie previews) as intensely feminine to be attractive whilst decrying me as a ‘lezbo’ (which I suppose, since I like women, is technically accurate. Eddie Izzard would appreciate it.)

In short, I welcome further comments from you, as it lets me vent my spleen upon you, and generates more traffic.

In closing…fucking chip dip cans, with lids that are narrow at the top! Once you’ve eaten most of it, you get your hands coated in dip trying to get the dip at the bottom! Make them conical! Expand the radius with the height so my hands don’t get dippy! HOW HARD IS IT?

Fuck my life.

Written on September 7, 2008 at 4:59 am about Life by Tom
4 Comments

The title of this post seems to be my motto nowadays. As much as I hate to admit this, even online, I think I’m fighting the big D. There’s no logical reason for it — things are going better than ever for me to anyone looking in from the outside. I’m back at school, my classes are all good — fuck, my family’s even putting a nice addition on the house. I have squat to bitch about compared to plenty of other people.

And yet…and yet, I’m not happy.  I feel lonelier than ever, in fact. As much as I deride people who act ‘emo,’ I find myself slipping into a funk. And it’s all centered around one thing — my utter failure to find that perfect girl. Yeah, I know, people who measure their happiness by having a girlfriend are losers. Well fuck you, whoever said that, cause this isn’t about status or peer pressure or society. This is human loneliness, plain and simple. Hell, the only reason I can even write this here is because no one reads this blog; it might as well be a journal.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, I meet the perfect kind of girl that I’ve been holding out for for literally years, and still I strike out. And this shouldn’t bother me because I have 18 years of striking out under my belt. I should be a pro at letting go and moving on. But I can’t. I’ve slowly over time lost that ability to go “Oh well, plenty others out there.” Because guess what? There aren’t.

Oh, sure, there’s a lot of females out there, but that’s just statistics. What I mean is similar personalities. Common souls, if you want to get philisophical about it. There’s next to zero people out there like me, it seems, or at least not here in New England. You know what a big stumbling block is? Smart girls. Yep, call me sexist, but I have a real hell of a time finding a girl I can actually talk to about geeky things I find interesting. I’m telling you, they don’t freaking exist.

Part of it might be normal hormones and shit, freaking out and telling me I’ve gotta pass on the ol’ genes, but part of it’s just the fact that, aside from a couple of friendly hugs here and there, I don’t get any kind of real physical intimacy with anybody. And I don’t mean intimacy in the adult sense, either. I’m talking basic human contact here. I might as well be in a biohazard suit. It sounds stupid even to type it, but…I just want to be held. I want someone to hold hands with and hug and caress. And it’s just getting harder to go on without that.

If this makes me some kind of unmasculine girly-man, so be it. If you’re going to accuse me of being hypocritical and emo, go ahead and get it out of your system. All I can say is that I can’t keep living like this. I’ll go crazy. It’s really only a matter of time. The hair-trigger temper that I’ve managed to subdue for so many years is resurging again. The propensity to get pissed off at the drop of a hat, the sudden loss of all reason and desire to just break something or someone, the barely held back crying jag…It’s all stuff no one ever sees, I think, because I’ve grown very good at hiding it over the years.

As I said earlier, I don’t like admitting that I’m an unhappy person. I used to think that denying it would keep it from getting worse, and keep me from wallowing in unhappiness. Now I hope that acknowledging it will help me fight it off. Because I can’t deny it any more. Normal people don’t wake up and immediately try to fall back asleep, because they prefer the dream they were having to reality. Normal people don’t wonder if it’d be better to get hit by a bus crossing the street. Normal people don’t sit in their car, alone, and scream, because if they don’t they’d explode from all the repressed anger and sadness and tears. I’ve crossed that line, the point of no return, where I have to admit that something is seriously wrong here.

I don’t want to seem melodramatic. I’m not doing this to look for sympathy — if I was, I wouldn’t be posting this to an unread blog. This is meant to be more catharsis for me. It’s a free shrink, a stranger to listen to my problems, where I don’t have to worry about them being a part of them. It’s an electronic Freud, putting me on the couch. I don’t want your “it’ll get better” and “You’re a great guy, just be patient” and “Someday you’ll find the right person.” I just need to get this off my chest, before I haul off and start smashing up my car with a tire iron or something.

And that’s the thing, that maybe I want to break stuff and hit things, because at least then you’d notice me. At least then you’d see that I’m here. You’d know I exist, I could prove it. I broke that window, see! I’m here, I’ve always been here. That’s what it seems to come down to. That’s why I’m ‘that guy’ in class, the one with the bad jokes and the snarky comments. Because any attention is better than no attention. Because maybe if I’m clever enough you’ll love me. Because maybe if I make you laugh you’ll see I’m better than the rest of those guys.

That’ll never happen though, because it seems to me, and some of my mates as well, that as much as women complain about chivalry being dead, us nice guys still finish last. As much as you tell us you’re looking for a sweet, sensitive, intelligent guy, you keep on going for the football captain and prom king. As much as you complain about the latest jerk move your boyfriend pulled, you never see us as anything outside the friend zone.

Anyways, I really hope this funk of mine ends sooner rather than later, or at the very least I can stay busy enough to stay ahead of it.

Five Reasons Artemis Fowl Kicks Edward Cullen’s Ass

Written on July 27, 2008 at 5:40 pm about Books, General by Tom
6 Comments

I’m going to start this list with a disclaimer : I’m only about a third of the way through Twilight. (UPDATE: I’ve finished, and yes, it was terrible.) And oh God is it slow going. It’s become the reading version of push-ups : you’re doing it to prove a point even though at this point it’s becoming unbearable.

But I feel such a list is necessary, since about 97% of the female population think this Cullen chap is just the best thing since sliced bread and twice as sexy. (The other 3% either have better taste in literature or are functionally illiterate.) So without further ado, and in no particular order, here’s the top 5 reasons Artemis Fowl would wipe the floor with Edward Cullen.

1. Money

Everyone knows that money is a powerful aphrodaisic. Well, Artemis is rolling in it. The family fortune is in the billionaire leagues, and includes a Learjet, a mansion in Ireland, and all sorts of neat gadgets. Think the iPhone on steroids. Then there’s the fact that Artemis has a manservant who doubles as a bodyguard and chauffeur. Edward drives a freaking Volvo. Sure, maybe it’s better in crashes, but in terms of raw awesome factor (measured in the SI unit of freaking sweet per square meter), Artemis’s Bentley wins hands down. It’s hardly even a competition here.

2. Brains

Artemis is a certified genius. He’s recieved multiple university degrees already; from what I’ve read up to in Twilight, Edward is comfortable with attending Washington State U. Artemis captured a magical fairy at only 12 years old. Edward can’t even keep his vampire powers secret from a ditzy girl. Einstein himself would probably be astounded by the sheer immensity of Artemis’s cerebral powerhouse. And think about this, ladies — with that much brainpower, you’d never have to worry about a forgotten birthday or anniversary ever again. He’d know the perfect gift to get you for any occasion (and with the aforementioned money, it would be sure to impress). Let’s face it, it doesn’t get much better than that.

And for those of you who think that Edward would just beat the everlovin’ snot out of Artemis, the way the football jocks pounded chess club kids in high school…

3. Toughness

I can practically predict the responses to this. “Edward fights bears and mountain lions with his bare hands!” Yeah? Big friggin’ whoop. He’s got superhuman strength. That’s like being impressed with a major-league baseball player beating a Little League team. And if you just thought to yourself that you’d like to see that, you’re a dick who enjoys ruining small children’s dreams. Yes, you.

Now let’s consider. Artemis might not be physically tough. But he’s gone toe-to-toe with some of the toughest villians imaginable and come out on top. Trolls, mafia thugs, and superpowerful magical beings. For crying out loud, the kid shot his own father in order to save his life. That’s more like one kid from Little League beating the Red Sox and the Yankees. Much more impressive, and a hell of a lot more entertaining to see.

4. Sexiness

Apparently Edward Cullen is oh-so-sexy because he’s a vampire. In the promo shots I’ve seen for the movie, he looks like a sun-deprived man-child who listens to Fall Out Boy and steals his older sister’s makeup. If you think that’s sexy…well, you’re probably an emo girl who’s mad that I just insulted Fall Out Boy, and I have no friggin’ idea why you’re reading my blog. Go away.

Now, Artemis, though….firstly, there’s the fact that he’s a sharp dresser. Always decked out to the nines in designer suits. Half of the girls out there can’t even get their boyfriends to shave regularly or put on a shirt with buttons. Then of course there’s the accent. You cannot tell me that you don’t melt inside when you hear an Irish accent. Why do you think people like Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan consistently are voted Sexiest Man Alive Ever for Eternity? (And yes, I recognize that there are differences not only between the different parts of the UK, but even within individual countries…but you still can’t deny that they’re all sexy.)

Then you have to remember that while Edward looks 17, he’s really a centuries old undead man. You know how creeped out you get when an old guy leers at you in line at the supermarket? Multiply that by about ten billion and you’ll be getting close to how disgusting this is. It’s like making out with the Mummy. Look what happened to the chick from that movie — eaten alive by bugs.

Always remember, ladies, making out with ancient evil beings equates to a horrible, horrible death. Always.

5. Availability

Let’s consider what we know about good looking guys, from our observations of the world.

A. They’re consistently being chased by several girls at once.

B. They’re consistently chasing several girls at once.

I call this the Pimpp-Mannwhor Hypothesis. Its corrollary, the Doosh-Bagg Theorem, is left as an exercise to the reader.

Think about it, ladies. Why compete with a bunch of other girls for a man who will never lack for female attention? What happens when someone new comes along? Instead, doesn’t it make much more sense to go for the slightly less Adonis-like, yet still not bad on the eyes man? Of course, if you’re superficial enough that a man’s looks are a primary concern for you, this high-level logic is above you anyways.

Well, there you have it. Five perfectly valid reasons that Artemis Fowl would totally trash Edward Cullen any day of the week. Now I’m going to wait for the hate mail from all the fangirls from the English-speaking portions of the world. If you enjoyed this post, good. Read more of this blog, and wait for more updates. If you didn’t enjoy it, then it’s probably because you’re one of those fangirls. Now leave me alone, I have to continue working on shamelessly ripping off Yahtzee.

Going just a little more insane every day.

Written on July 8, 2008 at 3:27 am about General, Life by Tom
3 Comments

So Lady Irony has decided to offer another kick to the balls again. As much as I wanted summer to arrive at the end of semester, I find myself wondering if I might be happier back at school. Why the hell would I want that? A few reasons.

Firstly, work is tiring me out and taking up all my time. I’m working 90% of the week to put gas in my car…so that I can go to work to put gas in my car…well, you get the idea. And on most of my days off everyone else is working, so more often than not I end up sitting around the house.

Oh, the house. How I tire of it. This house is what’s making me crazy, I think — the fact that I’m always here. Sitting at this damn computer, too, just like I am now. I’d much prefer to be out with friends, but it doesn’t happen nearly as much as I’d like. And, if I may indulge in a bit of self-pity, it’s not as if my inbox is overflowing with invitations to places. Again, it’s irony, or karma, or some such thing. Now that I’ve got the means to actually go places and hang out with people, it just doesn’t happen.

This isn’t precisely new, though. I’ve been sitting on this rant for a few months now. But I kept telling myself that I’m not the whiny type. Well, at this point in time some old-fashioned catharsis is what I need right now. Even though it won’t amount to much more than shouting into the void, since the people with the power to make me feel better likely will never see this.

I guess that’s what it comes down to. I want some reassuranace. I want someone to say “Yes, we want to hang out with you, Tom. You’re an important part of the fun. We love you.” Again, whiny — I know I’ve got good friends. But the self-doubt likes to creep in at these wee hours of the evening. And so I ponder to myself, and make self-deprecating comments.

Ah well. I don’t have it nearly as bad off as others, and yet that makes me feel worse, not better, that I’m acting this whiny and emotional. What the hell is wrong with me?

New games, new classes, same old shit.

Written on March 21, 2008 at 3:06 am about General, Video Gaming by Tom
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It’s been a while since my last post, so I figured I’d do a new one. To tell the truth, we really need to publicize this blog so more people actually read it. That’d be neat.

Some new games have come out and subsequently been purchased by me. First mention goes to AudioSurf. I was lucky enough to get in on the public beta of this game, ensuring that when it debuted on Steam I would snatch it up instantly. The basic concept is simple — match up different colored blocks, a la Tetris, to rack up huge scores online. The difference is the tracks are generated by music files you play, and the actual speed, intensity, et cetera is dictated by the song itself. I’d love to understand how they do such sophisticated beat matching and the like. It’s damn impressive, and addicting as hell. It’s on Steam for 10 USD, so check it out.

Another kickass game is Sins of a Solar Empire. Not much of a single player game (there’s next to no story, and no campaign mode, just maps you populate with AI), its true value lies in the fun-as-hell multiplayer battles. When you get upwards of six to eight human players, populating planets, building fleets, forming and breaking alliances, it gets quite enjoyable.

As for everything non-videogame-related…in a Java class this semester. So far, I am in the minority of people who have a clue. It’s a bit sad. Work sucks still, but hey, it’s a living. Digital Overload was fucking amazing, as I expected, and I met a great group of people there. We have made plans to reunite at ConnetiCon (minus our English friend Nick).

On the other hand (and this isn’t aimed at any one person, so don’t get angry at me) it seems I have a huge sign on my back stating “Please come to me with your problems.” Usually this is no trouble because you all have the good sense to form an orderly line and do it one at a time. This time, not so much. I feel a bit overwhelmed to be honest. So that’s why I seem more stressed than usual, if anyone noticed.

But summer will soon be here, thank god, and with it relaxation, parties and all that. Huzzah~!

Cloverfield — Monster Masterpiece

Written on February 6, 2008 at 2:49 pm about Films by Tom
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I had high expectations going into Cloverfield. Having heard from several people about the high quality special effects, dramatic camera work, and overall good acting, I was prepared to be stunned — or so I thought. I hadn’t realized until I entered the theatre that the entire film was shot from a single Handi-Cam, giving it a homemade, Blair Witch feel to it. The dramatic cuts between old and new segments of tape worked well in increasing suspense, by giving the impression that the main character, Hub, was fumbling with the camera. Another great idea was in using the flashlight and night-vision on the cam to add more drama to darker scenes. There’s many more examples I could give; suffice to say that this was an idea done to its full potential.

The monster design and SFX were also very impressive. I had seen no promo shots of the monster itself, so my mental slate was clean. All I knew was that it was large. This was indeed true, but what I didn’t expect was the spiderlike feel it had to it. As I hate spiders, this made the movie that much better for me. I was able to suspend my usual disbelief of “Oh, there’s no way that could evolve” until the end of the movie. The only complaint I had was in the use of the mini-monsters. The idea of parasitic aliens has been done to death. Hollywood needs a new idea there. Still, it worked for this movie.

The final climactic ending, along with the cryptic message after the end credits, really made this a great movie for me. I didn’t expect or want a cliched ‘happy ending,’ and I was satisfied in that regard. All in all, a five star blitz.

Up and running.

Written on January 8, 2008 at 9:23 pm about Computers, General by Tom
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Well, it’s a new year and things are already moving at a steady clip. Chris and I recently got our newest forum up and running on the spartalive domain. Check it out at http://magus.spartalive.net It’s centered around science fiction and fantasy discussion, so if that’s what interests you, you ought to like it.