Random Musings - 3 geeks on life, the universe and everything.

Going just a little more insane every day.

Written on July 8, 2008 at 3:27 am about General, Life by Tom

So Lady Irony has decided to offer another kick to the balls again. As much as I wanted summer to arrive at the end of semester, I find myself wondering if I might be happier back at school. Why the hell would I want that? A few reasons.

Firstly, work is tiring me out and taking up all my time. I’m working 90% of the week to put gas in my car…so that I can go to work to put gas in my car…well, you get the idea. And on most of my days off everyone else is working, so more often than not I end up sitting around the house.

Oh, the house. How I tire of it. This house is what’s making me crazy, I think — the fact that I’m always here. Sitting at this damn computer, too, just like I am now. I’d much prefer to be out with friends, but it doesn’t happen nearly as much as I’d like. And, if I may indulge in a bit of self-pity, it’s not as if my inbox is overflowing with invitations to places. Again, it’s irony, or karma, or some such thing. Now that I’ve got the means to actually go places and hang out with people, it just doesn’t happen.

This isn’t precisely new, though. I’ve been sitting on this rant for a few months now. But I kept telling myself that I’m not the whiny type. Well, at this point in time some old-fashioned catharsis is what I need right now. Even though it won’t amount to much more than shouting into the void, since the people with the power to make me feel better likely will never see this.

I guess that’s what it comes down to. I want some reassuranace. I want someone to say “Yes, we want to hang out with you, Tom. You’re an important part of the fun. We love you.” Again, whiny — I know I’ve got good friends. But the self-doubt likes to creep in at these wee hours of the evening. And so I ponder to myself, and make self-deprecating comments.

Ah well. I don’t have it nearly as bad off as others, and yet that makes me feel worse, not better, that I’m acting this whiny and emotional. What the hell is wrong with me?